This year, the theme for World Mental Health Day encourages us to consider the importance of mental health in professional settings. Being…
Journeys in Mental Health: Changing the Narrative on Suicidal Ideation for World Suicide Prevention Day
PLOS Mental Health continues its ‘Journeys in Mental Health’ blog series in which anonymous contributors share their experiences to help promote open discussions and reduce stigma. September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day for which the theme is ‘changing the narrative on suicide’ with the hope of starting conversations and reducing stigma. This is identical to the aim of this series of blogs. Our contributor today shares their experiences of suicidal ideation.
***Trigger Warning: This blog post discusses suicide, suicidal ideation and related subjects that some may find triggering or uncomfortable.***
When I hear people discuss suicide or suicidal ideation, although responses and feelings surrounding the subject vary greatly, two trains of thought that I regularly pick up on are ‘suicide is weak and/or selfish’ and ‘we didn’t even know there was a problem’. And it’s likely, in my opinion, that the first train of thought is precisely what leads to the latter.
There are a reported 700,000 suicides a year1 and each one has a devastating effect on many more than that. Suicidal ideation is going to be even more prevalent, impossible to measure as precisely, and also comes with the additional stigma of ‘well if they don’t do it, they don’t mean it’ or the opposite of ‘they can’t be left alone or trusted, they’re going to do something’. Either way, both responses, although understandable, can result in the situation being handled in a way that makes things worse or reinforces stigma and thus reduces help-seeking. Not all people who experience suicidal ideation go on to die by suicide. But all individuals who die by suicide would have experienced suicidal ideation prior to their death. So surely it makes sense to bring suicidal ideation into the spotlight, normalise conversations about it and promote an environment in which nobody has to experience these thoughts alone and can therefore receive support and interventions before it is too late.
I experience suicidal ideation on a daily basis, several times a day. And by that, I mean that thoughts enter my mind, sometimes fleetingly, sometimes for longer, sometimes seemingly unprovoked, sometimes following a clear trigger, in which I think about ending my life. But nobody would be able to tell when I am having these thoughts. They do not paralyze me. They don’t prevent me from working. They don’t even tend to interrupt the flow of conversation that I am having. And most of the time, they don’t even distress me – perhaps because I am desensitized to them. But they are always there and I know they shouldn’t be. In some respects, the thought of suicide actually acts as a safety net for me – ‘well if all else fails I have this’. And this perspective actually introduces a protective aspect to having these thoughts because it encourages me to keep pushing. Of course, this is, I think, a very unusual way of thinking and most people experiencing suicidal ideation will be at risk and scared and not be able to relate to this perspective at all. Everyone is very unique. I must stress however, that this ‘protective’ perspective is only a small part of the overall view I have of my suicidal ideation experiences. I know they are not genuinely a healthy mindset and I have tried to take my own life in the past. But the regular suicidal ideation I experience is very different to the thought process that I had prior to my suicide attempt and so I think if I, and others, could speak openly about it, we would be able to understand more about the differentiating factors and when the thoughts are not indicative of a crisis and when they are.
…if I, and others, could speak openly about it, we would be able to understand more about the differentiating factors and when the thoughts are not indicative of a crisis and when they are.
This blog is not meant to come with recommendations. Just an account of my thoughts about my suicidal ideation to help get the conversation going. Are these thoughts just a part of me? Or am I a ‘ticking time bomb’? Either way, if others around me knew about these thoughts, they may pick up on signs and patterns that could help me improve my well-being or even save my life. The more we talk about this, the more we understand and the more people we can save.
This World Suicide Prevention Day, we are told to check in on others, keep informed and share our stories as I am doing here. Although I said I was not intending to give recommendations here, I will add something to this list. Acceptance. Acceptance of yourself and others is the first step in reducing stigma so that it is no longer a barrier to people seeking and receiving the support that they need.
Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are the perspectives and experiences of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of PLOS Mental Health or PLOS. It does not serve as any form of medical or mental health advice. Please always speak to your doctor or mental health professional if you experience any of the issues described above and contact the emergency services in your country if you or someone else are experiencing a mental health crisis and are at risk.
References
- International Association for Suicide Prevention. https://www.iasp.info/wspd/